Tales of the Parodyverse

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killer shrike notes that Hurricane Katrina is getting to close for comfort
Sun Aug 28, 2005 at 12:12:59 pm EDT
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Finding the Mark, Part One
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This might be my last post for a while, because I've made the decision to evacuate New Orleans at the last minute. I hope you all keep the board moving in my absence, and I'll be in touch when I can.

Mike/KS

“Finding the Mark”




The right cross landed solidly on Hatman’s cheek, which caused the Capped Crusader to stagger. Mr. Epitome tried to follow up, shuffling forward and aiming a quick jab at his midsection. Jay used the meat of his forearm to block the blow and then danced away. When Epitome pursued Jay suddenly shifted his feet and came back at his opponent. After dodging a defensive swing from the Paragon of Power Hatman stepped up and buffeted Epitome with a series of shots to the ribs. Dominic grunted and pushed Jay back. Again Hatman nearly lost his footing, but he managed to steady himself by grabbing onto the rope. He got his hands up to defend himself from any more attacks just as the bell rang.

“Fighters, to your corners,” the intercom in the Zero Street Mission gym directed over the crowd’s cheers. Both boxers complied.

The referee took only a moment to check on the fighter with the red and white maple leaf trunks, but stopped to speak with Dominic:

“Good match so far,” Reverend Mac Fleetwood complimented, “the shove at the end might have cost you the round, though,” the pastor leaned forward and spoke softly, “It’s very important that we teach these kids the value of sportsmanship.”

The Paragon of Power raised his head and squinted unhappily, but he nodded, “OK, reverend,” he mumbled through his mouthpiece.

*****


“I say, this was a splendid idea,” Sir Mumphrey Wilton enthused from his seat in the bleachers, “Misters Boaz and Clancy are putting on quite a bout. Puts me in mind of the Sullivan/Mitchell clash in Chantilly back in ’88.”

“Which century was that, Mumph?” Dancer asked with an impish smile.

“That would be the Nineteenth,” the Librarian explained, “March 10, 1888, Charles Mitchell defeated John L. Sullivan. Some sources report this as a Heavyweight Championship of the World contest; London Rules and bare-knuckles were used for this bout; Sullivan scored the first knockdown; Mitchell drew first blood in the eighth round.”

“Quite right. I didn’t know you were a fan of the sweet science, Mr. Bookman.”

The curator of the Moon Public Library repressed a shudder at the notion and returned to his periodical.

“I’m just impressed Hatman is able to hold his own against Epitome without using his powers,” Yuki Shiro observed.

“Hm? Oh, we outfitted Mr. Epitome with gloves and shoes that create an artificial localized gravity well to counter his super strength, stamina, and speed,” Al B. Harper said, “To keep things fair.”

CSFB! reached between the pair to grab a handful of the arch scientist’s Crackerjacks, “Aw, who cares about fair?! Kick his butt, Jay! Rope-a-dope! Rope-a-dope!!”

“Like you even know what that means,” the Silicon Shamus noted derisively.

“Yo is to be thinking that charity sparringing match is good way to build up Lair Legion camaraderie, even if cute Hatty and cute Epitome are being all sweaty and bruised.”

“Mmmmmmmm,” Lisa agreed as the bell rang to start the round. She was satisfied with watching two half-naked men beat the tar out of each other. Everything else was gravy.

*****


Hatman and Epitome met in the center of the ring.

“Thanks again for doing this,” Jay managed to get out despite his mouth guard.

“Don’t thank me. I’m trying to work up the rage to knock you out here,” Dominic chided with a plastic-covered grin.

The two traded jabs as they circled each other for a better opening, “Heh. Seriously, this gets the kids’ attention and-ngh- helps us teach them about fair play. It’s a big help.”

Dominic tried to rush Jay and strike an uppercut, but the Capped Crusader feinted to his right, “More gratitude. You fight dirty.”

Jay’s response was a smile and a left hook that knocked Epitome to his knees. The Man of Might quickly popped back up. Reverend Fleetwood made the customary inquiries over Dominic’s mental state. Bobbing up and down impatiently, the newest Legionnaire gestured for the fight to resume. Exhibition or no, there was no way he planned on losing to a Canadian unless his name was Bret Hart.

*****


The lip was healing up nicely, Dominic noted in the mist-enshrouded locker room mirror. By the time of his first appointment of the day the swelling should be completely gone.

Hatman came out of the shower stall in the back of the room and walked over to where his costume hung on a peg by his locker. He was surprised to see his teammate dressed not in his own uniform, but a suit and tie.

Dominic anticipated the question, “I’m going to have to take off now. I apologize for leaving you shorthanded.”

Jay shrugged, “It’s OK. I know you have a lot of catching up to do. Too bad you’re missing out on the fun part of this, which is interacting with the kids.”

The Paragon of Power gave an apologetic smile. The truth was he could think of hundreds of things he’d rather do that deal with children, which was going to make the second appointment of the day a bit of a trial.

*****


Sherman Panser was a stout sixty five. His thistle hair almost matched the color of his silver-rimmed spectacles. He was dressed in a six thousand dollar suit chosen to highlight his standing as the Alpha male of the country’s conservative intelligentsia.

“Mr. Clancy,” he rose from his chair and shook hands with the man whose attire he still found unbefitting.

“Mr. Panser. It’s an honor to meet you.”

“We’ve met before. Before your accident, of course.”

They sat. Panser had been in town as a speaker for the Paradopolis Business Symposium, and had been set up at the Hilton. He chose to meet with Epitome in the hotel’s restaurant.

“It’s a shame what’s happened to you,” he said bluntly, “With you gone OPS is taking a serious hit in the credibility department. And Drury and his UN boys get to reap the benefits.”

Dominic nodded, “Its surprises me the Super-Menace Principal Undercover Directorate has such authority in this country. I thought agencies backed by the United Nations required the approval of the American Congress to operate on our soil.”

“They have ‘special dispensation,’” Panser noted sourly.

“Like the Lair Legion.”

“Yes, like your new employers,” the man’s brow furrowed, “I have to admit I’m disappointed you chose to re-sign with those loose cannons. They go against everything you used to stand for.”

Dominic nodded as he accepted a menu from the waiter, “They seem like good people, though, most of them. And for the most part, do the right thing.”

“The devil’s in the details. The Legion has proved in the past they are willing to overlook the needs of this country to keep the members of their team fat and happy and out of jail. The incident with Hacker 9 alone is-“

“Disgusting. I agree,” Dominic interrupted, “But there is little we can do about it, given the autonomy their charter gives them. But imagine how much good could be done by the right people with that same autonomy.”

Panser eyed Epitome shrewdly, “Someone like you?”

“Me backed by a Washington-based think tank with millions of dollars in resources and supporters in business, politics, and the media. Mr. Panser, tomorrow morning I plan on tending my resignation to the President’s Adviser on Metahuman Affairs.”

“Garrick,” Panser spat. The Peter Principle should be renamed for that green-eye-shaded bureaucrat.

Dominic became very solemn, “I love America, Mr. Panser, and the decision to quit working for the government was incredibly difficult. But they won’t let me do what I need to do to keep my country safe. I’m hoping a position in the private sector would allow me greater opportunities to fulfill my mandate. And, if you’re interested, perhaps yours.”

Sherman Panser gave his lunch companion a knowing grin. Epitome was proving remarkably wise, no matter what his age.

Next: “Finding the Mark” continues, as Mr. Epitome tracks down his old ward Artemis and gives her an ultimatum. Add to this the menace of Poker Face and the Ass-Raping Ninjas, it should be a story filled with tension and trauma.








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